I am a Scorpio. I have thought that I was a typical Scorpio. But I wasn’t. I thought I was being an individual, I thought I was mysterious. Perhaps I was a bit. Yet I struggled to be myself because I was a people pleaser. That is not a Scorpio.
It took a mental breakdown to remember who I am. For my Scorpio side to come to the surface. She has reared her head, and she doesn’t want to leave. I don’t want her to leave. She has been buried deep for years. My whole life really.
A Scorpio is passionate, loyal, intuitive, resilient, independent, determined, mysterious, emotionally deep, protective, transformative, authentic and magnetic. These are the traits that I long to be. These are things that are deep within me. These are traits that I have discovered in the last couple of years. That are coming back to me.
I also have the darker side of Scorpio. The shadow traits are secretive, suspicious, stubborn, possessive, intense, unforgiving, obsessive and guarded. Though these traits are easier for me to see in myself.
I am passionate. I love to read. I love to write and I love to share other authors stories. I want to share that passion and I do. I found a space on Instagram to do that and I am so appreciative.
Parts of me tried to hold on to Scorpio, but most of the people in my life didn’t appreciate it. I lost people around me; they disappeared from my life. I wasn’t what they wanted.
I desire deep conversation and connection. When I was younger, I had people in my life I could be that with. But they left me behind, let me go, chose someone else. Slowly I stopped being me, thinking I was the problem. I am not the problem.
I need an emotional connection; I need deep and meaningful conversation late into the night. I need someone who lives for those moments.
I am loyal person. If you are in my life, it is for a reason and I am loyal. But if you betray my trust or chose to throw me away. Then you have lost me. You have lost my trust, and you have lost my loyalty.
I am independent. I don’t need someone to take care of me. I want someone to be there for me if I need them. My trauma has led me to be hyper-independent, so I need to time to let you help me. I hate asking, I don’t want to ask for help, so I won’t. My love language is doing the little things for me. My life is mine. If I choose to share it with someone, that is a huge step for me. I chose you for a reason.
I am resilient, I have worked my way through darkness and trauma to get where I am now. I have been through a lot and I have survived. I continue to survive every day. If you don’t like the person, I became then that is not on me.
I look at energy of a person. I feel it before I even speak to someone. I try not to judge, but I am a Scorpio, I judge. But if your energy doesn’t mesh with mine, then we won’t be close. I don’t let everyone in. I protect myself for reason. I refuse to let someone walk all over me; I refuse to change for someone. Never again.
Change is a good thing. Change is inevitable. Change means growth. I have changed so much in the last few years. I have transformed myself. I continue to transform truly into the person I am supposed to be. I am obsessed with the idea of the phoenix; it is the central theme of my master’s project, and I just got a tattoo of one on me.
But my shadow side is there. I am insecure, I am reactive, I am angry, I can be intense and unforgiving. Once I chose to let someone go, that’s it.
I am so guarded. There are very few in my life I let in. The reason is because of things that have happened to me in the past. I trust very few people in my life. I love even less people. It is very rare for me to say I love you. I don’t even remember the last person I said that to. Sometimes I think about working on it and the I remember the times I have been hurt and I shut down again. My walls are made with bricks. They are strong and reinforced. You need to be special for me to let them down.
But this is me. This is the Scorpio in me. I am a Scorpio. I love this part of me. I long to fully embrace it.
Embrace the Scorpio.