12 months sober

May 26th marked my 12 month sober journey.

I started drinking alcohol a very long time ago, and like some, the older I got, the more I drank. The drinking increased considerably while I was still working. But I didn’t think I had a problem because I only drank on my days off. There was a lot of drinking on my days off.

The main reason for my drinking, like many, was to numb everything. It became addictive and instead of admitting I needed help to move through everything, I self-medicated with alcohol. I thought it helped. Looking back, I know it made everything worse. I tried to push away everything I was feeling and everything I was seeing. It helped in the short term. But it meant when I did feel something, I felt everything. Now I am a pretty emotional person as it is, as many of my friends can attest. The drinking exacerbated these emotions when I didn’t drink. Everything came bubbling to the surface.

When I stopped working, the drinking got worse. Before I got sober, I was drinking two bottles of wine every day. Needless to say, I was not a healthy person, and I wasn’t dealing with my PTSD.

I can’t exactly pinpoint the moment I decided I needed to get sober, but I remember the conversation with my doctor and admitting to her that I had a problem.
It has been a long road these last 12 months, but I am incredibly proud of myself to reach this point. It isn’t easy. There have been moments when I wanted to give in and have a drink, when everything became too much, especially having to process my triggers and meltdowns without alcohol.
I am so grateful to my support network and their help to get me to this point.

#12MonthsSober #SoberJourney #PTSDRecovery #EmotionalHealing#SelfHealingJourney #HealingIsHard #YouAreNotAlone